A TREASURE IN MY HANDS

Last Friday was a day that seemed to change my entire universe. 

I was deep in the lull of a quiet house 

and time to play with the camera, 

when a message popped up in my inbox. 

My heart skipped a beat and I had to keep reading and re-reading 

in case I’d somehow got this all wrong 

or my imagination was playing tricks on me. 

But no, those words were staring me right in the face 

– “You have been selected...”. 

Me, chosen for something I’ve hoped for so much, 

yet dared not even think about after applying last autumn.

 In a couple of months I get to focus my full attention 

on studying photography with a view 

of it actually becoming a profession.

I can’t quite explain how utterly grateful I am for finding something 

at this stage in life that’s grasped me so entirely, 

every fibre in my being feeling 

both calm and elated at the same time,

 a deep sense that this is the path for me. 

As if the most precious gift imaginable 

was suddenly placed in my hands. 

A chance to embark on a journey

 – physically,  as I'll be sitting on long distance trains 

on a regular basis 

- but most of all a journey into honing skills, 

upping the challenges, ditching the comfort zone 

and discovering something new about myself

 and the world in the process.

Over the past years I’ve gone through stages of total frustration, 

desperately yearning for something more, 

a deeper creative outlet - 

then getting frustrated over being frustrated… 

Last year I decided to devote a journal to my creative pursuits

and where I hoped these would lead. 

At that point I made a promise to myself 

never to write anything down between those black covers 

if it was coming from a place of despair. 

I began to make sure that this thing that I loved so much 

would not be tainted 

with frustration, comparison, anything negative, 

but should be cherished, nourished and nurtured. 

And that’s when something quiet but certain began to take room. 

A lightness about things and a restful knowledge 

that any aspirations would move on at their own pace, 

unforced, when the time is ripe.

So much is going through my head right now,

but in essence I guess I wanted to encourage 

anyone else who perhaps recognises 

this struggle and joy and frustration in themselves 

to keep nudging, cherishing and honing that thing 

that makes you happy inside, whatever it may be. 

To keep every sense wide open 

to the bigger or smaller opportunities

and take hold of those threads of hope 

that life throws your way. 

And to consciously carve that space to do what you love. 

The next year and a half are glistening in front of me,  

and whatever may or may not happen after that 

remains a mystery.  

But walking that path that's in tune with one's heart 

is as good as it gets.

x